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Vocally challenged


Oh, that dreadfully hard to pronounce word syllable…


He felt compelled to ponder its use or withdrawal.


A monosyllabic word that he learned to master from such an early age.


That he used so naturally for so many years, with its-siamese-twin- seperated-at-birth

Thank you

I am seriously contemplating using Finn’s linguistic seminar tactics in the work place (“Has anyone seen mememe2U? There are dozens of idiotic queries waiting for an instantaneous reply lest VPs become CCed” “Too bad mate, he has booked the Sulk Room for the whole morning, someone sent him an email ending in BR – which he abhors so much, as it is the very opposite of someone’s best regards…)

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Where are the steak holders?


Because these babies, they surely are ready!
Medium rare, a crowd pleaser.

Thanks Uncle Martin for the 2014 venison delivery. Without any doubt the best bambi steak I’ve had to date.
Not a single antibiotics injection, no dodgy animal feed, no rounding up, and distress, and abattoir.
No middlemen. Straight from the bogs of County Mayo to my frying pan.

Tonight we had a brilliant spontaneous family meal. With champagne, and grandchildren, and amazing deer steak, and fine Bordeaux wine, and grandparents, and family stories (dad’s experience of the Edinburgh fringe festival, Finn’s speech at grandparents’ day in his school – and his not mentioning the money, Pepe’s heart attack, Luca’s black bar over baby ultrasound scans – you had to be there), and tears of laughter, and tears full stop, and Mum and Dad.
It felt like a little Christmas. Without the hysteria of the lead up to it.

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The Fall Guy


Or as we call him around here, the Autumn Bloke.

Now, where the f**** is the switch for the shaggin’ autumn leaves?
What’s this one again? Ah yes, pissing rain. We might as well leave it on for the next 8 months, that will save me a few trips. Autumn leaves, autumn leaves. where is the shaggin’ autumn leave switch? What about this one? Ah yes, daylight saving, or dark-at-3-PM as we prefer to call it. Not much shaggin daylight to be saved, if you want my opinion… We might as well set it to the “on” position now, that will save me another trip. The days are getting so short already, they will hardly notice the difference. Autumn leaves, autumn leaves. where is the shaggin’ autumn leave switch? Wow! What was that?! Lemme take a closer look, can’t see f**** all with the shaggin’ daylight saving switch on. Ah, got it! Blowy-as-f**** switch. In the Met Office they call it Gale Force Wind. I’ll set this one to automatic intermittent mode: “on” for 2 days, “off” for 5, repeat in a loop.
Finally! Found it! The Autumn Leaves switch. Now folks, take a good look at these arrogant green leaves over there. Their days are numbered. 3… 2… 1… Swiiiiiitch… ON!

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Next? Next?! NEXT!!!


“I haven’t got all day, for f*&% sake.
Is that you again Siobhan?! What is it that you want this time?
I’ve told you already, we do not do vaccination for tropical diseases.
The most exotic disease you ever got was that dose of gonorrhea after the Togas and Amazons party last Christmas. The only vaccination for that is sobriety…

Next? NEXT!!!

Don’t get any closer! It’s athlete’s foot.
Micatin antifungal cream. EUR6.99. NO! Don’t take off your sandals! Stop immediately. I DO NOT NEED TO SEE THE EVIDENCE. I can smell it.

Next? NEXT!!!”

Mulhall’s Pharmacy, Patient Advice Gold Award 2012