The big grey seal male was somewhat disappointed when, upon investigating the cause of the big unseasonal splash in the harbour, he discovered with barely concealed disappointment that it was not the partner he was hoping for.
It is true that with my overgrown whiskers and generous coating of blubber, I can easily be mistaken for a curvaceous mature she-seal.
I won’t hold it against him.
I did however resent what he was holding against me under water, the filthy animal.
The cold water did little to cool down his ardour.

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For phoque sake…



Time is a relative thing.
There is the time of laughter and parties that are over in the blink of an eye.
There is the time of the last class on a Friday afternoon.
There is Sunday morning time, incredibly boring when a kid, nice and unhurried as an adult.
There is the time of reckoning.
There is the time of the day, and those who won’t give it to you.
There is Prince’s Time.
There is Time Magazine.
There is parsley, sage, rosemary. And time.
There is timeliness and there is hurry.

And there is the time of the guy stuck in the most boring room of a modern art museum.
Each syrupy second of it.
A jellyfied sort of time.
The time to lose the will to live.

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This is balls… Disco balls…


Things are suddenly quieter in the house. Which is nice. 

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That back to school vibe


Didn’t see many leopards, but I did see a few horses. Fleetingly.

The horses must have seen the leopards, because they were legging it !

horse racing

Guess who backed a loser (clue: he is holding his head…)


How much did we win, honey? How much? How much?









Guess who picked a winner?


The Caps club


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Leopardstown race course – 27 July 2017



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Microsoft excel for morons

Bemused would be putting it mildly…

Mrs Raheny with her default expression for the last four days.
Trying to decide whether the book is wrong, or the laptop is wrong, or the teacher didn’t cover that particular point.

She is pretty adamant that there is no Sort Ascending or Sort Descending options in Excel.

She excels at faulting the fucking laptop. Or the shagging book. Or that teacher bollix, the one who snorts really loudly and doesn’t give a crap.

There’s been quite a bit of swearing in the house lately.

My years of teaching and my legendary patience are put to the test. “And what the f*&**” do you call that?! Isn’t it f**** obvious?! A button with a shaggin funnel and an A and a Z! That’s for sorting and filtering, obvious-fucken-ly. What else would you use a funnel for?! To bottle A and Z letters?!”

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xls wtf?!