cretins, dublin, dun laoghaire, funny, global warming my arse, humour, I'd be tempted to admitting to being superstitious but I prefer not to say it aloud, ireland, life lesson, relativity, shite weather

Feasting on the Beast from the East

cof

Once again, the nightmarish scenes predicted by Met Eireann materialised, and this is the sorry spectacle that awaited in the driveway this morning: the car was well and truly stuck in snow drifts.
Thankfully I was able to cram 4 sliced pans under each wheel and gained traction. That panic buying with the rest of the Dublin population yesterday was well worth it!
Braving the 0 °C temperature to proceed to the wedging of the bread under the pneumatic implements was no small feat. Imagine that, zero degrees, in February?!?!
I had to wear gloves, for fuck sake. And a scarf!

As I type hundreds of school principals around the country have the right index finger on the panic button, ready to press it as soon as three snowflakes coalesce in the school yard, to immediately (and indefinitely) shut the schools down. For health and safety reasons. Obviously.

I guess that we have the mass media, and the mass hysteria, that we deserve. 
We make it easy for them. We love nothing better than to click on links of promised doom, or the latest Orange Man imbecilic quote, or hilarious videos of farting pandas. 
We are happy to allow them broadcast their alarmist crap in our living rooms, on our radios in our car, in our few surviving daily newspapers. 

They feed us the shite we thrive on. 

It takes two to tango. 

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a splash of colour... quite literally, funny, humour, hypochondria, hysterically happy, ireland, not tesco, relativity

Colonocacophony

cof

Rarely will a colonoscopy be more heralded, advertised, discussed, trumpeted, feared, debated or planned down to the most minute details.

Carlos still has 7 days to psyche himself up.

He asked me to keep this to myself. But I have overheard him discussing it at length with the receptionist. And B from Accounts. And S from Sales. And half of the mesmerised engineering department. And the cleaning lady from the 3rd floor. And his sister on Skype. And more importantly her GP husband on the phone.

I thought I’d discreetly add a reminder on our corporate wall calendar. The one used for the only thing that truly matters in the Mistake Factory: the holidays.

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One life. Live it

like the selfish, wasteful bollix that you are…

The slogan fits the car so well.
You’ve never been snowed in. Not in Blackrock, no. You’ve never had to gather cattle in the Wicklow mountains.
You’ve never needed a big shaggin petrol guzzling 4×4.

95% of your mileage is done in the city center.

You have one life, and boy you are living it.

Like a tumor.

I don’t quite believe that you belong to the same species as the guys who built Newgrange.
You are one stage of evolution further.

On the path to oblivion.

4x4, cretins, dublin, dun laoghaire, iMbeciles, ireland, motoring, relativity, resting on stones is NOT comfortable, ribbed for your pleasure

One life. Live it

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The magic of Christmas?

Not quite sure what is wrong with us this year. We are pretty much on top of things. A Christmas tree has been procured. It smells like a Christmas tree. It’s full, and even, and lovely and dark green.

It cost the GDP of Lesotho but that’s beyond the point, isn’t it?
One does not put a price tag on the magic of Christmas. Or at least not an easily affordable one…

Anyway, who needs an extravagant Christmas dinner?
We’ll be fine, eating our yellow sticker ready meals (there’s usually shitloads of them in the Granny Aisle on the 23rd and 24th, people seem to feed exclusively on alcohol and cocktail sausages in the last three weeks up to Christmas) while watching our beautiful tree starting to droop ever so slightly.

a splash of colour... quite literally, art, considering putting my kids on eBay, dublin, essential parenting implements, Extraction of EUR60 from my wallet, ireland, love, parenting, photography, relativity

Can you feel it yet?

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Did shag all. Which was brilliant.
Slept loads. Which is exactly what the doctor ordered.

A most beautiful non-day.

art, close-up of my juicy plums, dejection, dublin, Extraction of EUR60 from my wallet, homemade festival in one's back garden, ireland, monochrome, photography, relativity, this is a swear-free zone, for fuck sake

A minimal sort of day

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When Darren invented camoball, he was pretty sure that he would rapidly become a millionaire.

But as the sales failed to materialise, he soon lost momentum.

He hit a wall.

abandon, art, dublin, funny, humour, ireland, miserable, photography, relativity

Fancy a game of camoball?

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The “do not pet me” message on his harness?
Nah, that’s a whole load of bollix.
Look at him. Look at how cute he is. Look at those fluffly fluffy soft ears.
Ats a boy. Ats a very cute, very cuddly boy.

Now, if you try to pet me, I’ll headbutt you, roight?

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art, astronomy in pyjamas, dublin, dun laoghaire, funny, humour, ireland, photography, relativity, seeing is believing, street photography

The what?

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