They’re sleeping well tonight
All his life Alan had dreamt of this moment: to taunt the old man without any fear of reprisal, to lick not one but two ice creams right in front of him, just slightly out of reach.
He never forgot that 99 that was denied to him back in the summer of 1973.
He swore back then that he would get the old scrooge back.
And bejeezus he was keeping his word.
‘Stop me if you can, Dad! Who’s the smartest now, Dad?’
A pity Alan was too busy licking his 99s to notice the old man pointing the taser at his crotch…
And about to burst with the excitement.
Hold on a second… no, not the excitement, the trapped shaggin’ methane… about to burst with the trapped gas…
Still, from 98 kg down to 93.5 kg and many lessons learned along the way.
Lesson 1: everything tastes delicious when you’re starved. Even boiled shaggin’ beans…
Lesson 2: everything tastes extra delicious of you sprinkle cajun spices on top of it. Even cucumber, celery, tomatoes and boiled shaggin’ beans.
Lesson 3: nocturnal cajun farts do not help to keep matrimonial harmony at an all time high
I didn’t say it loud.
I didn’t even put the verbal exclamations marks on. Not at 6.45 AM, as I entered Luca’s room.
I whispered it once.
And I didn’t need to say it twice. Luca jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs, naked, and rushed to the back garden, naked, and marvelled at the beauty of our first frog, naked.
It is true that so far our record at seeing tadpoles through to maturity has been rather patchy.
Hence his elation at having finally produced a frog.
10 PM update: we still have a frog. If I had not suggested to Luca that perhaps he ought to put on some clothes and maybe go to school, he’d still be there, crouching in the garden, staring at the froglet.