For as long as he could remember, Johnny had been serving his signature dish of ham, sand worms and Brussels sprouts to his admittedly small gathering of family and friends on Christmas day.
Storm Eva or no storm Eva, he was fecked if this year was going to be any different!
May you all have a wonderful Christmas filled with laughter, roaring fire in the chimney, quietly excited children, mulled wine, Christmas carols, delicious food, rejoicing and fine Cognac.
If not, you will hopefully pick out some palatable crumbs out of the Christmas that everybody has: rampant commercialism, mad rush when you are at your most tired, kids you’d be tempted to stick on eBay once and for all, family disputes, bloated stomachs, lingering man-flu, drunken arguments, dry turkey, shite predictable Christmas tv and dishwashers that decide to give up the ghost at 8 PM on 23 December.
This boy will go far.
Nerves of steel he has, and a precision weighing scale in the palm of his right hand.
Unlike his dad who caved under the pressure and put in a very poor performance for the last contest of the year.
To spice things up, I had decided that whoever got closest to the price of our two daily bananas would earn the title of Banana Challenge Champion 2015 (something worth highlighting on a CV, a lot more useful than a Sick Sigma belt!)
His guess was EUR0.52, mine EUR0.58 and he won by quite a margin since they were priced EUR0.48 when weighed.
I have caught the Filipino guy from the fruit and veg aisle spying on our daily contest.
He found it amusing at first, but now he is really getting caught in it and I wouldn’t be surprised if he were placing bets on which one of us will win on a given day.
For all I know there may be satellite broadcasts of our Banana Challenge in illegal betting clubs in Manila.
I find it more exciting than cock fighting. There may be others out there that agree with Luca and I.
There has to be others out there that agree with Luca and I.
We may actually have started a lucrative niche market in the world of gambling.
A busy, busy, busy day…
These two were clearly experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms by the time the end credits rolled, with a background of trumpetty triumphant Star Warzy theme song.
Spoiler alert! Do not read below if you do not want the many surprises of the latest Star Wars to be ruined for you!
Ok… you asked for it…
There is a light saber fight.
Some high speed chasing with loads of wooshy sounds from the tie fighters and the x wings.
With a couple of explosions thrown in.
There are cute droids.
A bit of a love interest (but no sex scenes).
A lot of Chebaka moany groans (but not in sex scenes).
Close ups of eyes that say a lot about determination, and bravery, and tapping into the Force.
Blasters blasting like there is no tomorrow.
Outnumbered rebels in a seemingly desperate situation somehow managing to flip the situation around (thanks to their determination, and bravery, and tapping into the Force, and not wasting precious time on sex scenes).
Oh, and there is the obligatory edge-of-your-seat-totally-unexpected coup de theatre, spot on at the moment when you expect to least expect it.
Oops shite. I may have said too much.
None of you could have expected such feats of invention in a Star Wars movie.
Bad mememe2U. Bad, bad mememe2U!
Carlos has been honing the steely look of the corporate alpha male.
He’s got his sight on the top of the pyramid, and there will be no distracting him from his mission in life.
After many years of scheming and brown-nosing, he was finally today appointed VP for the Coordination of Time Zones.
A key position for the seamless ramping up of offerings across a global network of stakeholders.
His first move was to declare a time difference of 56 minutes between Mumbai and Beijing.
This is bound to disorientate the competition.