art, dublin, funny, humour, ireland, is gourmet burger an oxymoron?, photography, portrait, street photography

Doyler the Listener

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This is Jim Doyle, aka The Listener.

He sits there every evening.  
You sneak up to the wind shelter on the promenade in Clontarf (unrivalled views on the oil terminal of Dublin Port) and you whisper your most embarrassing secrets through the hatch.

Less judgemental than a priest.
Less forgiving than a best friend.
Jim is the ultimate keeper of burning secrets.

Jim is deaf.

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art, dublin, ireland, life lesson, marine biology, photography

The Big Aquarium in the sky…

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There is a certain stillness that can only be found in fish tanks that have just been visited by the Grim Fisher*.

Pisces (the fish formerly known as Nemo) has left the mememe2U household after almost four (4) years as our loyal and placid pet. 
And it was my unpleasant yet essential duty to act as the Grim Fisher.

Goldfishes are not great at expressing feelings of profound distress or intolerable pain.
But I could see him wasting away, quite literally, as first the scales and then the flesh started to fall off him.
The brave little thing had a passion for food.
The morning feed was quite literally the highlight of his Goldfish days (that and skydiving).
And he had not been eating for the last 5 days.
I had meant to do it at the weekend. But somehow found excuses not to do it.
But then today I knew that the time had come.

When my time comes, I want to believe that someone will find the courage to take me out of the bowl swiftly and knock my head on the doorstep.
I’m very serious. If they are unable to do it, I hope to be given the tools to do a last DIY job (I’m not great at knocking my own head on doorsteps so something just as lethal but injectable would be welcome).
Everyone knows when the time has come. Acting on it is a very tough decision to make.

The bubble machine has been switched off now, adding to the unbearable stillness of the tank.

Farewell Pisces. As far as goldfishes go, you’ve been a most undemanding and easy to care for specimen.

I hope that St John Dory (St Pierre in French) as reserved a cosy corner for you in the much bigger fish tank in the sky. But I’ll stop now, I can foresee a big shoal of lusty anchovies headed your way. Have fun!

* or sometimes that stillness can be found in the cranium of reality TV hopefuls as they sign the release form that will legitimise their exploitation and ridicule

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central heating equipment, dublin, funny, humour, ireland, marine biology, monochrome, photography, too shy shy oh shush oh you are

Meaty phone home

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I decided to break the bank (EUR0.00 upgrade) and get one of the last dumb phones on the market.
It’s meaty, it’s solid, it’s waterproof, it’s dust proof.
But it won’t be able to received a work related email at 8.30 pm on a Friday… Bad, bad, daft phone!

The Quick Start Guide was a pleasure to browse through.
Right after basic things such as charging the phone and making calls, it jumps straight to the essentials features:

– How to make a fake call (“You can simulate an incoming call when you want to get out of meetings or unwanted conversations”)

– Activate and send an SOS message: “oh shit, I’m getting mugged, now what shall I do?! Headbutt the bastard? Run? Scream? No! It’s Menu > scroll down to Special Features > Activate SOS message > Confirm list of recipients > Enter SOS message > Send > Are you sure that you want to send SOS message? > Yes”

– Activate the mobile tracker (When someone inserts a new SIM card in your phone, the mobile tracker feature will automatically send the contact number to specified recipients to help you locate and recover your phone): nice feature. I can imagine my father-in-law receiving a notification message that someone else than me has inserted a SIM card in my last-of-its-generation dumb phone: “Oi, you, heroin addict scumbag who has just nicked my son-in-law’s dumb phone. I know where you live! Actually I don’t, but I have your number! I’ll hunt you down. I’ll hunt you down and I’ll smoke you out. And I’ll kick your arse. You’ll feel sorry for incurring Mikey’s wrath! I tell ya”

So the phone is meaty, water proof, dust resistant, devious and highly paranoid.

I dreamt it, Samsung made it (after nicking the idea from Sony).

PS: I’ve also just discovered that it has a powerful little LED light to help you find the key hole when you stagger back home. They really think about everything!

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art, considering putting my kids on eBay, dublin, funny, humour, ireland, parenting, photography

Cute little dumplings

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I have rarely seen kids so enthusiastic about a feed of dumplings.
Or so distressed at the realisation that we were out of light soya sauce.
Or so overjoyed at having dashed to the supermarket with Mum to buy one.
Or so triumphant at holding it like a trophy upon reentry into the mememe2U cave.
Or so surprised and distressed at its explosion upon impact on the tiled floor.

Life is full of ups and downs.

And home-made dumplings.

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