Today was definitely the perfect day to book a windsurfing beginner’s class.

On a calm day, one would feel a bit foolish not being able to stand on the shaggin board.
But in the pounding waves and heavy swell, it looks normal.

Even the pros a bit further out kept crashing at speed.

Tsk… Neoprene-clad lunatics…

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Board management



I went on a date today.
To the Met. With Pepe. To see Don Giovanni.
Not the actual Met in Noo Yoke. No.
More like the local cinema in Dun Laoghaire. With 270 geriatechnophiles who all lapped up the performance beamed live from the Met.
I was easily the youngest person in the theater. By several decades.

I loved it.
The sound was great.
The performance was great.
The production was superb.
The people watching was second to none.

I was particularly impressed by the two grannies who looked like they were going to come to blows, over the unopened box of Ferrero Rochers that each insisted the other had to take back home.

I would have liked to see how the situation developed but Pepe was eager to get to the car park.

I soon understood why. Dozens of Micras packed to the roof with dolled up grannies were revving likes chariots from hell in the multi-storey adjacent to the cineplex.

It was scary. Very scary.


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Geriatric fantastic

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Smart-arse buoy


Copy of a report found by mememe2U while rooting in the bins outside Irish Lights (don’t ask…) 

Smartbuoy #17174 to Oirish Loights Headquarters.

Yo Dudes, it’s me, smartbuoy. What’s the craic? How are they hangin’?
Anyways, here’s me report, today, around 6 pm, or thereabout.
– Navigation: can’t see no shaggin boats anywhere, so shag all risk of collision, they’re safe!
– Wind: it’s blowy as fuck around here! You’re lucky to be back in the swanky no-expenses-spared HQ. I’m tellin’ ya. Direction: it’s going horizontally, it’s so shagin’ strong! Same for the rain it carries…
– Sea state: it’s in a right aul state all right, lemme tell ya. Pissed off it is!
– Water temperature: are yize kidding? It’s shaggin freezin’ so it is. It’s the Irish Sea for fuck sake, I haven’t drifted west to the Caribbean. I haven’t seen my nads for the last three years it’s so bleedin’ cold.

Anyways lads, scan my QR Code or kiss my wet cold arse, I couldn’t give a flying f****
Keep it funk, roigh?!



Gordon was annoyed with himself for having forgotten his toy tankers on the wall.
It’s only when he got to the car that he realised he’d have to do the 3 mile round trip to the end of the pier to retrieve them.

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Shell shocked


He stood there for at least two minutes.
Couldn’t believe it.
So it was true. It wasn’t just some myth, some joke at his expense concocted by the mates at work. The Frogs do eat snails.
He just couldn’t believe it.
But to have the cheek to fill a section of the deep freezer in his local Lidl with the frozen slimy bastards, now, that was taking it a step too far.

I sort of woke him from his horrified reverie with a rather Gallic-sounding “exciouze mee”, and grabbed two trays of the delightful gastropods in garlic and parsley butter.

Finn ate his first escargots today. He wasn’t just a little bit chuffed. He can’t wait to tell his mates on Monday morning. 


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Shite in a bag


Jim was so impressed with Barky’s offering today that he thought better than to live it behind, in danger of being gradually dissolved by the rain.
He bagged it.
But rather than bin it, or dump it in a bush or down a gutter, he opted to leave it at head’s height for the walkers of the Metals to admire.
Thank you Jim. It is indeed a thing of beauty. If there was a nobel prize for doggy turds, Barky would be humming a Bob Dylan tune right now, on his way back from the awards ceremony.
And the non-biodegradable bag means that we will get a chance to admire this chef d’oeuvre for weeks to come.



David watched the sea and the waves with great intensity, and I watched Dave watching the waves with great curiosity.

And he watched and I watched and today the sea smelled like the sea should smell.

And it made me really happy.


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Wednesday is yellow jumper day