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Plan of attack


– Right girls, no messing about this time. That gang from Sallynoggin, Bridget O’Mara’s cronies, snatched the last yellow sticker malt breads from under our noses yesterday. We can’t have a repeat of that today, for flip sake.

Let’s synchronise our iPhones.

Paula, you take aisle B. Just pretend that your are leafing through Men’s Health Monthly. Checking the abs on the young dudes. You should see Alfie with the yellow stickers printing machine between thirteen hundred and thirteen o seven, from the office, along aisle B before a sharp right turn to the Reduced to Clear aisle.
Make sure that none of Bridget’s girls are hiding in the lounge wear section.

Maureen, you are on butcher counter duty. You know the drill. Ask to see the crumbed ham, then change your mind, then Carroll’s ham, then change your mind, then the Black Forrest smoked ham, then ask for 1 slice, then change your mind when you find out it’s made in Germany. You’ve been there before, you can do it with your eyes closed.
Except that you need to keep them open. Wide open. And ready to detect any suspect movement in the Yellow Sticker aisle.

Emily, you take the fruit and veg aisle. I want you to squeeze every single tomato in search of a ripe one. From there you will be covering the southern passage to the target. Any sign of Bridget, let out a wolf whistle. Or imitate the squeak of the tomato.

Myself and Fionnuala will be on mobile patrol. From the DVDs to the artisan beers section, back along the bakery. In a loop. 2’13” per rotation. We can be on target within 8 second upon receipt of the signal.

I managed to get some insider’s intelligence. Mrs Dunphy’s nephew, who is seeing Kylie McMorrow, from Convent road, the grand-daughter of the assistant manager. He told her that they have a large stock of Cadbury Swiss Mini Rolls reaching their sell by date today.

60% off.

Bridge O’Mara, you don’t stand a shaggin chance.


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