1st RULE: You do not talk about Iarnrod Eireann Club.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about Iarnrod Eireann Club. I mean it Bridget! Otherwise every other gran with a travel pass will be at it.
3rd RULE: If someone says “stop”, pull the emergency cord. But the fine is yours to pay.
4th RULE: Only two grannies to a carriage.
5th RULE: One trip at a time.
6th RULE: No shrollies. Only a Dunnes plastic bag, with the flask of tea and the eggs sangwiches.
7th RULE: Trains will go on as long as they have to.
8th RULE: If this is your first trip with Iarnrod Eireann Club, you HAVE to get on the shaggin’ train. They may look old. They may look packed. They may look unsafe. But you’ve got to do it!